Burned Too Many Times

Dear Boomer gal

I’ve been burned too many times this lifetime.  I have a boyfriend who wants to take our relationship to the next level as he calls it.  He’s only hinting at marriage, and wants me to move in with him first.  I’m in my 60’s and on fixed income, own my home and am doing okay.  It’s scary to discuss selling my house and all that goes with moving in with him.  I’m in love with him but at this stage of my life I’m not sure I should uproot all my security.  He thinks we should live together for a while and promises me the moon.  He’s financially better off than I am and I feel if this doesn’t work out where does this leave me in the big picture?  I don’t want to lose him and he drags his feet about marriage first.  I need an objective viewpoint.  Part of me says leap off the cliff and part of me says keep your feet on the ground girl.

Confused

Dear Confused

Keep your feet on the ground, girl. Reading between the lines here I think your instincts are already telling you this.  You don’t say how long you’ve been in this relationship, but if it’s less than a year you need to give each other more time to become completely comfortable with one another.  When it’s for real neither one of you will ask the other to give up their financial security, or their comfort zone. Be honest about your feelings, slow down the relationship a bit, and if it’s meant to be it will be.

Dating the Young

Dear Boomer gal

My ex-wife is creating a nightmare within our family because I’m dating a beautiful younger woman.  She’s constantly calling our kids and telling them to do something.  She thinks I’m too old to be dating some (her words)  “floozy that’s young enough to be my daughter.”   This young woman is very mature and we have a wonderful time together.  I’ve been divorced for three years and in my late 60’s.  The young woman I’m dating is in her mid-forties and never been married.  Her family is fine with this. We aren’t talking marriage but the kids are hounding me to end this and get real.  We live in the same town and they’re making my life miserable.  They won’t allow me to bring her to any family gatherings and now they refuse to discuss any of this.  Any advice

Dear Advice

You don’t say how long the two of you have been together, but your life is your life.  If you were married for many years it’s going to take time for your children to come around.  It’s none of the ex-wife’s business how you move forward with your life.  You will have to finesse this one, one child and their spouse at a time.  Forcing them into your way of thinking will never work. On the other hand, you do have the right to tell them you have no intention of listening to their daily barrage of negative complaints.  Reassure them you are not going to plunge into any foolish escapade without thoroughly knowing the relationship is correct for both of you.   Enjoy the friendship you and your friend have together and eventually time will work in your favor. 

Favoritism Played Out

Dear Boomer gal

It breaks my heart to see the favoritism being played out with my grandkids and the step-mom.  Her kids can do the same thing that my own son’s kids do and his kids get reprimanded way before her own children do.  I try to keep my opinions to myself but my son lets it slide.  I find myself playing favorites with my grandkids versus the step-grandkids and I don’t like myself very much.  All the grandkids are the ones who are in the middle here.  How do I handle this?  Grandma in the middle

Dear Grandma

Blended families are the norm these days.  It’s not your place to interfere.  The best thing you can do for these children is to love them all equally.  Their time with you will have a lasting influence on them down the road and they will love you for it.  Children are very perceptive and although they won’t voice it they know when they are being treated fairly and loved equally.  You have an opportunity to make a difference in their lives and let the inner family dynamics play out on it’s own terms.  You being there for them consistently and non-judgmentally is the greatest gift you have to give.